I’m light headed, bloated and stumbling around my house……a diabetic coma is coming. I’ve just raided my kids Halloween stash. Months of healthy eating destroyed in one massive sugar binge. It felt good. Like a quarter pounder with cheese, Big Mac and McChicken sandwhich on the way home from the pub……awesome on the way in. […]

Good morning Viet-wham

Mornings with school aged children are fun, effortless and generally uneventful.…….said no parent ever. Despite the riots that may have occurred the night before I try and start each morning with a clean slate. It’s a new day. Tits and teeth as they say in show biz. Smile on. Lets start afresh. My alarm goes […]

I hope I die before I get old

I was told by a friend to grow up recently. He was probably right. But I figure if I haven’t ‘grown up’ by now it’s unlikely to happen. I’m still waiting to turn into my dad. The adult. The serious one. The one who pays the bills, complains about spending too much money, stresses about […]

Schooooooollllsss out for Summa…….

As schools around the world come to a parental-shattering shut down, teachers around the Southern Hemisphere rejoice. They throw off their collective robes, swat away the last remaining clingers, dance their way to the Xmas party and begin their annual 6 week drinking pilgrimage…….I mean summer holiday. Families of teachers are particularly happy. They can […]

Johnny who?

I shouldn’t have been that surprised. It was inevitable. A matter of time. They found them, just as I had once found them. Condoms. In my bedside table. It could have happened anytime. It didn’t. It happened as I facetimed my brother and his family. The shriek of juvenile jubilation interrupting my conversation. All focus […]

It’s a mountain goat!!!

This is what the midwife should have said to us when she passed us our baby. Tables, chairs, couches, roofs, me – it doesn’t matter. If it’s higher than ground level it must be conquered. A simple walk in the park turns into a parkour session. A car journey begins with a Starsky and Hutch-esque […]

Why I encourage my boys to fight.

Physical fights between children, particularly siblings, is normal. Fighting between brothers is a natural and dare-i-say-it healthy occurrence. In our house there is an almost daily punch-on in one form or another. It could start as simply as being breathed upon too heavily while sharing an ipad. Or by copping a rogue footy in the nuts. […]

To dog or not to dog

I’m picking poo off the ground. Clawing and grabbing at the grass. Wondering where it all went wrong. “It’s such hard work” “It’s unrelenting “ “The barking gets worse. It took a year to break one of the bad habits.” “Don’t do it. It’s like another child” This advice from my so called mates. AFTER […]

Sunscreen rage

Waiting to go out. Relaxing by the pool. Standing on the beach. Playing in the park. It can strike anywhere. Sunscreen rage. It’s a bit like ‘Supermarket Rage’ or ‘Restaurant Rage’, it strikes fear into the hearts of parents in hot climates. “Swim gear?”  – “check” “Towel?”  – “check” “Hat?” – “check” “Beach gear?” – […]