When it comes to ‘minor’ illnesses I’ve got the bedside manner of The Terminator. Take the medicine. Go to sleep. I’ll be back. It’s how I want to be treated. I don’t need any TLC. My family on the other hand want the kind of attention reserved for cartwheeling puppies on facebook. “I could have […]
You would think having the house to ourselves for this first time in nearly 10 years would send us into a state of romance seen only on The Bachelor. Fighting urges and desires that our former honeymoon selves would be proud of. Nope. The only urge was to clean the house and keep it that […]
“See ya have a great day……….Wait…hold on!! Haven’t you forgotten something?” I wait. Pouting. Making kissing noises as Max pauses mid exit. A roll of the eyes, his head pops back in and he presents the top of his head to me. Awesome. Another mouthful of hair. I don’t remember doing the daily kiss with […]
Hand towels. Face towels. Dish towels. Bath towels. I don’t know exactly how many bath towels we have acquired over the years. But I do know that most of them end up on the back of the door of my sons’ room. The hooks straining under the weight. Collecting a towel from their room en […]
I’m picking poo off the ground. Clawing and grabbing at the grass. Wondering where it all went wrong. “It’s such hard work” “It’s unrelenting “ “The barking gets worse. It took a year to break one of the bad habits.” “Don’t do it. It’s like another child” This advice from my so called mates. AFTER […]
Your face is bright and shiny Your variety is rife You promise hours of fun and joy But you stole away my life I used to really love you But now I’ve seen the light I’ve seen through all the clutter And removed all of the shite No longer do you fill my […]
I can’t comment on little girls. But I know little boys. So when I tell you that little boys don’t wipe their bottoms properly I can only assume that little girls are the same. Each night when I scoop up the scattered clothes from the bathroom floor a pair of lightly soiled underwear is usually […]
Waiting to go out. Relaxing by the pool. Standing on the beach. Playing in the park. It can strike anywhere. Sunscreen rage. It’s a bit like ‘Supermarket Rage’ or ‘Restaurant Rage’, it strikes fear into the hearts of parents in hot climates. “Swim gear?” – “check” “Towel?” – “check” “Hat?” – “check” “Beach gear?” – […]
As a parent you need to pick your battles. This was one I missed. Didn’t nip it in the bud quick enough. I lost control. I made a mistake. A couple of rude words here and there. I told them to stop. It’s rude. I don’t want to hear that kind of language in my […]
Guess what? What? The blogs I have written over the past few years have been made into a book. I know. I’m surprised myself! I write them for my own amusement and to offload.But more importantly to remember. Having a terrible memory is both a blessing and a curse. While I can forget the bad stuff […]
Running super fast. Wide eyed and over excited. Straight past reception. Over the multi coloured climbing frames. Diving head first into the ball pit. I just can’t help myself! Play centres are so much fun. Or at least they used to be. The first time I took my child to one of these places I […]
I jumped out a plane this morning. Why? I asked myself the same thing as my legs dangled out the door. The wind rushing past me. My head resting back on Macca’s shoulder. My life, literally, in his hands. A few friends bought me a Red Balloon voucher for my 40th. I chose sky-diving. 14,000 […]
Just like Andy, the wheelchair bound character in Little Britain, my boys know it all. I’m so lucky to have two geniuses…es…. in the family. Clearly they don’t get it from me. Since the age of 6 both have mastered everything there is to know about everything. All I hear in answer to any question […]
Like William Wallace facing the English at the battle of Stirling Bridge I stand at the door of the laundry resolute in my fight to rid the room of its dirty clothing. I am determined to end the domination of clothes and begin a period of order and structure I look around at the sorry […]
Last night Max complained to the point of tears that he had a sore tooth. To his credit the emergency dentist said she was surprised he hadn’t come in sooner. The inflamed and tender corn sized bulge on his upper gum finally got the better of him. We had no idea apart from a minor […]
Little boys are disgusting. It should be no surprise. Yet I am surprised each time I enter my bathroom. It often resembles the toilet scene from Trainspotting when Renton enters “the worst toilet in Scotland”: It is revolting. How hard is it to hit the bowl or flush the toilet? I don’t want to be […]
Father’s Day is done. We have been out for dinner. I’m knackered. I retreat to my bedroom and relax on the bed. It’s 7.30pm. I watch TV as the boys play loudly outside my room. I know I don’t have long before I am up and going through the bedtime routine. The ‘go to bed’ […]
There is nothing better than wrestling with my boys. They love it. As do I. Both of them are into American Wrestling (WWE), with characters like John Cena, The Big Show and The Undertaker. I took Max to see them when they came to town. It was great. They put on a brilliant show. We […]
“Maybe this blog should be written on the boat so your pre and post dive emotions comes across…” emails my friend, my blues brother, my old mate Jeremy, a couple of days before we leave for our adventure. Jer and I go back a long way. For about 30 + years we have been friends […]
I haven’t written in a while. I made a promise to myself when I started writing that it wouldn’t be forced. If I had something to say or a story to tell then it should flow naturally from me. I’m not articulate or well enough informed to jump in on political debates. I don’t know all […]
