An ode to the app store

Your face is bright and shiny

Your variety is rife

You promise hours of fun and joy

But you stole away my life


I used to really love you

But now I’ve seen the light

I’ve seen through all the clutter

And removed all of the shite


No longer do you fill my screen

With games and little apps

Instead I’ve got the basic stuff

Like messages and maps


But what is it with syncing

What is this trick you play

One day you are deleted

The next your back to stay


My boys with their iPads

Hunched over in the light

It’s them the little buggers

Downloading through the night


It really drives me crazy

It’s the same thing every day

“Can you download this app for me?”

I’m sick of saying “no way!”


“Dad I really, really need it.

It won’t cost you a cent”

I know they won’t stop bugging me

Until I finally relent


My son, my boy, I love you

But I promise you one thing

If you don’t back off and go away

I’ll smash the fucking thing


“But all my friends they have it

They say I’m not so cool

Until I beat the high score

I can’t go back to school”


So once again I’m hussled

As they hand it over to me

My password entered carefully

So prying eyes can’t see


And then one random day

Completely out the blue

The ping of a new email

An iTunes invoice just for you


I open up and shake my head

14 dollars I must pay

The sods they saw my password

I should change it right away


I find out what happened

The sneaky little toad

He’s done another download

And bought coins on Crossy Road


“Right that’s it the game is up

Give me your machine!

I’m deleting all these apps of yours”

“Please no!!” a desperate scream


So one by one I press the cross

And delete them from my screen

And then when it’s all over

I feel guilty I was mean


But for now I’ve won the battle

I don’t need to hear them moan

But why are they so quiet?

Cause they’re downloading on mums phone!

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